The death of a loved one is a difficult time filled with grief and loss. But before the final goodbye, many families choose to have a wake – a gathering of loved ones before the funeral for remembrance, support, and a chance to pay final respects. A wake provides a meaningful way to reflect on memories and begin mourning together. If you have an upcoming wake to attend but are unsure of what to expect, this guide will walk through common traditions, timing, attire, and how a wake fits into the broader funeral proceedings. With a compassionate understanding of this pre-funeral ritual, you can fully appreciate its significance during a challenging time.
What Happens at a Wake?
A wake is a gathering that takes place shortly after someone dies, usually 1-2 days before the funeral. It is a time for family and friends to come together to mourn, offer condolences, share stories and memories of the deceased, and provide support for each other.
The body of the deceased is often present at the wake, allowing people to pay final respects. There may be prayers, readings, or other religious services. Food and drinks are usually served as people gather to socialize, reminisce, and comfort each other in their grief.
How Long is a Wake Service?
Wakes can last anywhere from a few hours to a couple of days. A typical wake visit lasts about 30-60 minutes for each guest.
The length depends on factors like the deceased’s religion, cultural traditions, and size of the family. In some cases, the wake may be held over two days – one day for family and close friends, another for more distant relations, coworkers, neighbors, etc.
Some key times during a two-day wake may include:
- Family gathering on the first evening
- Main visiting hours throughout the next day
- Evening service with prayers or eulogies
Funeral Wake vs Memorial Service
A funeral wake takes place before the burial or cremation. A memorial service is held after, without the body present.
The main differences are:
- Wake: Takes place shortly after death, prior to burial/cremation. Body is present.
- Memorial Service: Takes place after burial/cremation. Body is not present.
The purpose of both is for loved ones to come together in remembrance and celebration of the deceased’s life.
What to Wear to a Wake
The dress code for a wake is semi-formal. Dark colored clothing is appropriate, as it is considered a solemn occasion:
- Men: Dark suit and tie or collared dress shirt.
- Women: Dress, skirt/blouse, or pant outfit in dark colors. Conservative length.
- Avoid: Jeans, shorts, t-shirts, flashy jewelry/accessories.
The focus should be on being respectful. If you are uncertain what to wear, formal attire in darker shades is a safe choice.
Is a Wake Before or After the Funeral?
A wake occurs before the funeral service. It is a chance for visitors to express sympathies to the family and view the deceased before burial or cremation.
The typical order of events is:
- Wake (1-2 days after death)
- Funeral service
- Burial or cremation
After the funeral and burial/cremation, a memorial service may follow to continue remembering the deceased.
The wake allows friends and family to gather together to grieve and say goodbye before laying their loved one to rest. It is the first formal mourning ritual in the process of honoring someone who has passed away.
Summary – Funeral Wakes Explained
A funeral wake is a time-honored tradition that provides comfort and closure after a loss. Bringing together family and friends before the funeral, it offers a chance to collectively grieve, reminisce, and show support.
Typical components include visiting hours, viewing of the body, prayers or eulogies, food and drink. Wakes range from a few hours to a couple days, with the deceased’s religion and cultural background helping determine appropriate length and customs. Dark formal attire is respectful for attending guests.
By understanding the emotional significance and logistics of a wake, attendees can fully embrace this opportunity for pre-funeral remembrance and community solidarity when bidding a loved one farewell. Whether you are planning a wake or preparing to attend one, appreciate this gathering for the thoughtful mourning ritual that it is.